My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
