Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize