Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
