her vagine was all disorganized.
I just cut my nipple shaving
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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