I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
