bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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