plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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