you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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