I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
