it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
