even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
