You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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