Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
