It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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