she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
