I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My cat gives me a boner
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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