She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
