I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
