oh god the rape fog is back!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
