guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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