Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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