her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
