is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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