need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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