In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
