My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
