i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
