sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's always time for handjobs
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
