The maid of honor just puked.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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