this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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