im drinking this country out of the recession.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
