I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
