The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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