if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
