Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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