Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
