Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
