went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize