I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
