one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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