Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
home. puking in laundry basket.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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