Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
