Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
