her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize