you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
