dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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