She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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