he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
