I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
