that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
