im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
