i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
