Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
