yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
