my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
