My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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