that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
