Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
