So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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