So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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