That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
