Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
