Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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