Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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