So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So apparently I’m into choking now
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