Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
