Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
