im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Even my vagina gasped.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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