When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
