i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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