I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its not stalking. its research.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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