He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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