Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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